The lead up…

Anyone who knows me knows this is unusual.

I’m the person who falls asleep in a matter of seconds. Most nights, my head hits the pillow and I’m out. In fact, I went to bed early tonight.

But here I am.

Wide awake long after midnight while everyone else in the house is asleep.

The house is quiet.
The thoughts are not.

For the last few days, I’ve noticed an anxiety creeping in. Not overwhelming. Not consuming. Just there. Lingering in the background. Following me throughout the day. Showing up in moments when I least expected it.

The strange part was that I couldn’t quite figure out why.

Nothing had changed.
Nothing had happened.

I couldn’t put my finger on what was causing it.

But as I lay here tonight staring at the ceiling, it finally clicked.

What I’ve been feeling isn’t about today.

It’s about what’s ahead.

The lead up.

The anticipation of another trip to Mayo. The waiting. The wondering. The knowing that answers are coming, even if I don’t yet know what those answers will be.

So instead of continuing to wrestle with it, I prayed.

And I started writing.

And this is what came out.

The Lead Up

Lately, I’ve noticed something I haven’t felt in quite a while.

An unrest.

An anxiety that seems to show up out of nowhere.

Not the kind that completely takes over, but the kind that quietly settles in the background and follows you throughout the day. The kind that wakes you up a little earlier than normal or keeps your mind turning a little longer at night.

At first, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

After all, we’ve already been blessed with so much improvement. Along this journey, we’ve watched things happen that many didn’t think were possible. We’ve seen progress that once felt out of reach. We’ve experienced God’s faithfulness over and over again.

So why the unrest?

Why the anxiety?

The more I’ve sat with it, the more I’ve come to believe it’s the lead up to what is to come.

Next week we head back to the Mayo Clinic, where we’ll learn whether things have stayed the same, gotten worse, or continued to improve.

And while I know God has carried us this far, there’s something about standing on the edge of the unknown that tests your faith in a different way.

It’s easy to trust when you’re looking back at God’s faithfulness.

It’s harder when you’re staring ahead at possibilities you can’t control.

The truth is, I know all the right things to say. I know God is good. I know He is faithful. I know He is with us regardless of what we hear next week.

But walking that truth out is different than simply knowing it.

Faith isn’t pretending there aren’t outcomes that scare you.

Faith is acknowledging those possibilities and choosing to trust anyway.

It’s choosing prayer over panic.

Peace over prediction.

Surrender over control.

It’s continuing to walk forward even when you know the bottom could fall out.

I think that’s why I’ve felt this unrest.

Not because God has changed.

Not because His faithfulness has changed.

But because I’m human.

Because waiting is hard.

Because the lead up is often where faith gets stretched the most.

We celebrate faith after the miracle.

We celebrate trust after the breakthrough.

But real faith is often found in the days before the answer comes.

It’s found in the waiting.

In the wondering.

In the surrender.

As we head to Mayo next week, we aren’t necessarily expecting to see huge improvement. If there’s one thing this journey has taught us, it’s that we’ve already been given more improvement than we ever imagined possible. We’ve witnessed blessings we didn’t know to ask for and victories that once seemed out of reach.

Instead, we’re praying for God’s will.

We’re praying for strength, whatever the report says.

We’re praying for peace in the waiting and clarity in the conversations ahead.

We’re praying with grateful hearts for how far we’ve already come and trusting Him with whatever comes next.

Because the same God who has carried us through every appointment, every setback, every victory, and every unknown is the God who will meet us there next week.

Maybe that’s what the lead up is really for.

Not to convince God to move.

Not to change the outcome.

But to change us.

To loosen our grip on certainty.

To remind us that peace was never meant to come from favorable reports or predictable outcomes. Peace comes from the presence of the One who walks with us before we ever receive the answer.

I don’t know what next week will bring.

I don’t know what the scans will show.

I don’t know what conversations we’ll have.

I don’t know whether we’ll celebrate, grieve, or find ourselves somewhere in between.

But I do know this:

The God who has been faithful in every chapter of this story will still be faithful in the next one.

So if you’re in your own lead up right now..waiting on a diagnosis, a phone call, a job, a relationship, or an answer you’ve prayed for,I hope you’ll remember this with me:

The waiting is not wasted.

God is just as present in the uncertainty as He is in the breakthrough.

And sometimes the greatest miracle isn’t what happens after the waiting.

Sometimes it’s the faith He builds within us while we wait.

For now, that’s enough.

One step at a time.

Peaceful Garden Tea

A soothing herbal blend for quiet evenings

Ingredients (1 mug)

• 1 tablespoon dried chamomile flowers
• 1 teaspoon dried wild rose petals
• ¼–½ teaspoon dried lavender buds (a little goes a long way!)
• 8-10 ounces of boiled water
• Optional:
  • 1 teaspoon local honey
  • A squeeze of fresh lemon
  • A thin slice of fresh ginger for warmth

Directions

1. Place the loose herbs into a tea infuser or teapot.
2. Pour the hot water over the herbs.
3. Cover and steep for 5–7 minutes.
4. Strain and sweeten with honey if desired.
5. Sip slowly and enjoy.

Flavor Notes

 Chamomile brings sweet, apple-like comfort.

 Wild rose adds a delicate floral sweetness.

 Lavender offers a relaxing herbal aroma without overpowering the blend.

Make It a Cozy Evening Latte

After steeping:

• Stir in ¼ cup warm oat milk or almond milk.
• Add ½ teaspoon honey and a tiny splash of vanilla extract.
• Sprinkle with a pinch of cinnamon.

It tastes like a warm hug in a mug.

 “Jenny’s Evening Grace Blend” (Tea Jar Recipe)

Mix together:

• 1 cup dried chamomile flowers
• ½ cup dried wild rose petals
• ¼ cup dried lavender buds

Store in an airtight glass jar.

Use 1 tablespoon of tea per 8-ounce cup and steep for 5–7 minutes.

“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28

May this cup remind you that just as these simple flowers release their fragrance in hot water, God often brings out the sweetest parts of us through life’s refining moments. May each sip bring peace to your heart, rest to your mind, and gratitude for His faithful presence.